Does it scare you? |
Hey there. I'm Lauren. 18, Depressed, often suicidal, self injury, eating disordered, abused, trying. I'm here to help, should you ever want it. You'll likely see self injury, thinspo, and general complaints about hating life and wanting to die, with the occasional bout of optimism. Height: 5'3.25" Starting weight: 125. Current: 103. Goal: 96. I swear I'm not as awful as I seem online. |
OH
I forgot to take my meds.
So that’s why I want to die.
Actually really upset because someone just informed that I’m a victim-blamer.
Okay.
Yeah. You’re right.
I think that Brandy abused me because I’m a slut.
I think that I deserved all of it because sometimes, sometimes, on very rare occasions, I wore shirts that showed my collarbones. Because that was the “sleaziest” I got around him. He never saw cleavage. Never saw shoulders. Never saw legs.
It wasn’t my fault.
And here’s the deal:
I was pointing out that it’s acceptable for her parents to be concerned about her clothing. Not that it was acceptable for someone to rape her because of them.
| Me: | Dan, should I tell him the story about..? |
| Dan: | YES. |
| Me: | OkaysoIwasinthepsychwardandIhadthisroommate-- |
| Johnny: | Wait, the... the psych ward? |
| Me: | Yeah, no big deal. So anyway, I had this roommate.... *Tells stories* |
| Johnny: | When was this? |
| Me: | Um, end of July, I think? |
| Dan: | Yeah, yeah. |
| Johnny: | This was like, summer before last, right? Not last summer? |
| Me: | No, no, last summer. It was a good time. |
| Dan: | No, no it wasn't. |
| Me: | What, you didn't have fun? |
| Dan: | Nope! |
| Johnny: | Did you go visit her? |
| Dan: | Yeah, and I forced someone else to. |
| Johnny: | I wish I had known. I would've come visited you if I 'd known. |
“Fuck you too, you little bitch.”
So in my dream last night, I confronted Brandy.
I was sobbing and screaming as I asked him, “Do you understand what you did to me? Do you get it?”
And he was crying too, as he answered, “Yes. Yes. YES.”
And we were okay again.
all of these are 100 calories or under. super helpful for those of you on the abc diet or simply restricting- if your cal limit is 500, then pick 5 of these to have per day. same for any cal limit. i can’t take credit for these, i’m not sure who posted them, but i saved them in a word doc to my computer and i thought i’d share. sorry if there are repeats!
Sometimes it’s late at night and I just want to die.
Couldn’t do power yoga because too sick.
(Okay well I mean I could only do half an hour of power yoga but that’s still failing.)
Fat fat fat stomach.
I am disgusting.
So gross.
So so so gross.
Fucking shit fuck.
I don’t know why I do stupid things like convince myself I should eat because I just motherfucking shouldn’t.
Tomorrow I am going to stay in my room all day (with the exception of therapy) because there is no food in my room.
The thing is that I know it’s only going to get worse as summer progresses and I’m not entirely sure how to fix it.
The thing is I just need a friend but I don’t have anyone who actually helps.
I mean, my friends are all willing to listen (except Andrew who just tries to logic me through everything which doesn’t work) but it’s like. What I need is arms. I need kisses and handholding and cuddling and waking up wrapped in someone else.
Because that is what helps.
And that is something I don’t have.
Anonymous asked: Your legs look great, you're a very pretty girl.
Thanks
